There's bugger all on telly!!
& it's a Friday night!

Caught next doors cat in the middle of a poo on my lawn. It didn't half get a fright! But I'll get it next time! Shame it ran into the house with the turd hanging from it's bum!

Someone tell me to do some work!!........cassie

Sorry, but I'm working from home...

A plane is about to crash. There are five people on board but only four parachutes.

The first passenger says,
"I am Ronaldo, the best footballer in the world. The football world needs me; I cannot die on my fans."
He grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton says,
"I am the wife of the former President of the United States; I am the senator for New York and there is a good chance that I will be the next President of the United States."
She grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane.

The third passenger, George W Bush says
"I am the President of the United States of America. I have huge responsibilities to the people of the world. Besides I am the smartest President that ever lived and I owe it to the people of the world to live."
He grabs a pack and jumps out of the plane.

The fourth passenger, the Pope says to the fifth passenger, a little boy,
"I am old. I have lived my life as a good person as a priest should so I will leave the last parachute to you; you are young and have your whole life ahead of you."

To this the little boy says,
"Don't fret old man. There is a parachute for both of us. The smartest President in the history of the world took my schoolbag..."

If you're a Scotsman, an Englishman or an Irishman don't read this!

Y'know" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink for you."

"Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhhhh, that's nothing," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims. But he swears every word is true.

"Well," asked the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?"

"Not me meself, personally, no," said the Irishman. "But it did happen to me sister."